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[117] Choosing.


Today I had a striking revelation that I immediately texted to my best friend so I wouldn’t forget about it. It went something exactly like this: “Right now, in this random moment in my room, I completely trust God. I don’t know what changed, but I love it.” It was like all of a sudden I had this complete confidence in God, that his timing and plan will be perfect. I realized that I’m doing every I can to find a full time job, to get my photo biz really going, to be healthy, to train for this half marathon; I’m doing all I know how to do. There literally isn’t anything more I could be doing (okay, I could eat less Oreos and be a little healthier…) that I know of. But did you catch what I just said there? I am doing everything I can. And that’s all that God wants from me. He wants my best, and that’s what I’m trying so hard to give him. And this morning, in that random moment in my room, God reminded me that now it’s His turn to do all that He can. To do whatever He wants. Because ultimately, that’s what is going to happen anyways. And I think I needed to really know that before God will put His plan into action. Not that things will all of a sudden be perfect or that a new job will come tomorrow, but I believe God wanted/needed me to have this confidence in Him before he decided to show me what He is capable of. Realizing all this in itself is a HUGE step for me, one that I’m very glad happened. And I’m telling you, my heart just has this complete peace and confidence in Jesus right now. Like, I can’t explain it. It’s like I have this little voice in my head saying “It’s coming. It’ll happen. I’ve got it under control, promise.” And whenever I get anxious (it still happens, yes) I hear His voice. And when I hear His voice, I smile.

On a different note: Today’s basically 10 (fine, 9.8) mile run was great. 10:30 pace, which isn’t bad. I ran by a lake/reservoir thing near BC campus. I didn’t cry like I did during Sunday’s run. My knees didn’t hurt (’til right now), and I felt pretty good over all. I think I re-found the joy of running, something that had been absent the last few weeks. Instead of feeling like a chore, my run today felt like.. dare I say fun? I mean, it wasn’t fun. Not the whole time. But most of it. =)


2 Comments leave one →
  1. 10/25/2011 9:34 pm

    Seriously, we are like the same person.
    Except I’m usually like one day behind you :-)
    I’m hoping I have this same revelation tomorrow!

  2. Tia permalink
    10/26/2011 2:02 pm

    YAY!! Trusting in God is everything….glad you got there, however it happened!!

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